Before Was Better Than After
by fatelocks
Summary: Because, given a choice, Near would always live in his past… -RE-UPLOADED-


Title: Before Was Better Than After

Character/s: The Wammys, the SPK, and KIRA

Rating: T

Summary: Because, given a choice, Near would always live in his past…

POV: Near

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-DEATH NOTE-

_"You can clutch the past so tightly to your chest_

_That it leaves your arms too full to embrace the present."_

-Jan Glidewell

-DEATH NOTE-

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1.) The World

_Surrounded by others. Hearing their incessant, yet uplifting laughter together. The world around us all, so bright and colorful, anyone could feel happiness radiating from their being. No one could ever resist a smile in this wonderland._

**There is no one here. Not a sound can be heard in this dark, depressing room. Simply walking inside could erase all trace of joy on one's face, only to be replaced with a horrid grimace that wrinkles one's forehead and scrunches up one's nose.**

2.) Play

"_Near, do you want to play with us?" Linda asks, her smile so wide, it would not take much for the corners of her mouth to touch her ears._

"_No thank you."_

"_Aw, come on. You don't have to talk or anything, just enjoy!" I grumble audibly about not being the mood to play with girls and their silly games._

"**Quick up, Near. This is no time to play around." Halle, Rester and Gevanni look at me intently, their foreheads creasing with frustration at my lack of motivation.**

"**Are you quite sure I cannot play a little longer?"**

"**Yes, Near. This is no time for leisure, the government heads are waiting." Silently, I vow to someday have their – the world leaders – literal heads.**

3.) Idols

"_So, Near…" L asks, having met me the first time, "Who is your idol?"_

"_Superman" I answer, carefully putting on a mask of indifference and a tone of mock annoyance. 'Twas the first time I remember using either._

_**A few days after L and Watari's reported deaths, Roger had men pick up the bodies from Japan and take them to be reburied in England, just outside of Wammy's. **_

"**I was wrong…" I say, looking at the tombstone that so boldly declared the name L Lawliet in golden, old English letters.**

"**You are my idol… L…" my tears fell then, the mask of indifference finally crumbling, mixing with the tears of the heavens above…**

4.) Fire

_There was blackout. Everyone huddled together in the orphanage's living room. Candles were being lit by Roger, Watari, and L in nearly every corner of the room._

_I thought fire was a wonderful thing. How it danced around and licked the air defiantly. I tried to get close to the fire without getting burnt. I didn't mind the heat, and I never closed my eyes for long. I would ask Matt curiously what he thought it must have felt like to burn._

**There was blackout. The SPK gathered in the headquarters' main control room. Gevanni lit and placed several candles around the room to help us see.**

**I stayed as far as I could from those candles, as though the fires they held in their mouths were accursed things. Even from afar I could still feel the heat they give. I close my eyes, silently praying I never feel the pain both Beyond and Mello felt when they themselves were on fire.**

5.) Successor

_Back then L had many successors. All of us simply lined up in case he needed a temporary, or permanent, replacement. We called ourselves 'the letters' simply because of our titles, mine being 'N'. But many of us are now simply dead or incompetent, insane if neither description applies._

**L is dead, and I am his replacement, Near – or N – the third L. I have no one to succeed me, should it become necessary. I sigh. It seems Roger will have to look for new children to move the second batch of letters forward. A new cycle of blood will commence, preceding the coronation of the next L candidates.**

6.) Sin

_The thought of sinning used to appall me, so I would always avoid anything that I thought would lead such things. After all, though Wammy's housed intellectuals, we all were raised to believe in a higher power, one that would ultimately judge the world in its – I'm not aware of the power's gender – hands._

**Sinning is now but second nature to me. Though I should have realized – accepted, rather – that my excessive love of toys would lead me into greed, I now find myself constantly sinning, defiling my morals as though there was no God to deal justice in the end. And so, I deal it out myself, fairly or not.**

~To Be Continued (?)~

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Author's Note: Re-uploaded since I did something stupid with the original. I may add a second batch but, for now, this little piece is complete.

Constructive criticism is well appreciated!


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